Blackcy Placidass Counselling and Psychotherapy

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Where Were You ?

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As many of you visit my page and stumble on the blog link, you might be thinking why were there no blogs after January 2019. Well, I can begin to share that I became a mother in November 2018 and have had my whole world flipped upside down. All the routines and schedules that I was following prior to my son being born, went completely out the window. It took quite a while for me to find myself again. It has been a year and half since I have been able to blog and I chose to make this my first blog after my return.

From first hand experience, I can now relate to parents everywhere when they say they have no time for themselves. I too was in that sinking boat for a few months. It was not until reading some motivational quotes and talking to some dear friends, I realized I need to find “Blackcy” again. Yes, it seems like in a 24 hour period, it is impossible to get 30 – 60 minutes for yourself but that is when I realized I needed to communicate this feeling to the people around me. I learned over the months, even though there are days I felt I was carrying the whole world on my shoulders, plus my son on my hips (hahaha), that it was okay for me to ask for help.

In reading this blog, I hope I can attract you to come back to my page. Even though my life has changed, my passion to listen and counsel has not drifted away. I continue to take new clients in this new COVID-19 world, but for now all sessions are either on the phone or virtual.

Thank you.

The Silent Postpartum Depression

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I have decided to write this blog on postpartum depression. As some of you may know, I am on a leave of absence from my private practice. On November 6th, 2018, my husband and I welcomed our son into our lives. The months leading up to his arrival, it really started to hit me, that my world was about to change.

So why did I decide to dedicate this blog to postpartum depression or postnatal depression, because it is real. From the moment my son entered the world, all the health professionals I came into contact with, always checked in on me. “How are you feeling? Are you getting help at home? Do you have someone to talk to? Do you find yourself crying?” I remember while I was in labour, a nurse doing a screener to see what kind of supports I had and if I had any predisposed symptoms to developing postpartum depression. Repeatedly I was bombarded with these questions and it made me wonder, do they think I am depressed?

Postpartum depression is depression that can start after your baby is born and it can sometimes start before the birth of your child. How does this differ from baby blues? Baby blues is a short period of mixed emotions (crying, moody, feeling sad) due to the changes of hormones, which typically last less than two weeks. Postpartum depression however usually lasts longer than two weeks and can occur at any time in the first year after having your baby.

There are plenty of articles and websites that discuss postpartum depression and tests one can take to determine if one is displaying symptoms, that is why I wanted to discuss the importance of keeping an eye out for this silent diagnosis. If no one checked in on me or had not asked all those questions, I for one would have thought feeling sad one minute and happy the next just came with postpartum. Thankfully my roller coaster of emotions and thoughts subsided a few days after my delivery. However, if it was not for my supportive family and concerned health professionals, I too might have slipped into the silence that many others fall into.

If you have a family member, co-worker or a friend that has recently given birth or has a child under the age of one, a simple “how are you doing” can go a long way.  If you feel you know someone that might have postpartum depression or you the reader feel this might apply to you, please reach out to your doctor, family or someone you trust. Sometimes just having someone to talk to or talking to someone that can relate to your experience is enough to break the silence.

 

Why Sleep Is Important for Your Mental Health

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We have heard it from our friends, family and our very own doctor, ” are you getting enough sleep?” Why is sleep so crucial and what role does it actually play in our lives? If we think about it, there are 24 hours in a day, most of us spend 16-18 hours of our waking hours, up and alert. Between those 16-18 hours our brain is constantly working to process everything around us. From thoughts, emotions, decisions, storing, creating and retrieving memories, our brains are on overdrive during those waking hours. Now imagine a car, you would fill it with gas, but eventually the gas will run out and the car will shut down. In some cases, it might even cause mechanical problems. Just like a car, our brains also will run out of fuel and need to be recharged/refilled.

What is REM Sleep?

You might be surprised to learn that our sleep cycle is actually divided into 5 different stages. The first four stages are non-rapid eye movements (NREM) and the last stage is called rapid eye movement (REM). In addition, we repeat these cycles over and over again throughout the night. The length of these stages varies throughout the night and varies from newborns to adults.

The first stage of sleep is considered a light sleep. It is where our muscle activity slows down. During stage two, our breathing patterns and heart rate slow down, sometimes there is a reduction in body temperature. The third stage is where deep sleep begins, and our brains begin to create slow delta waves. The fourth stage is considered very deep sleep, timed breathing, very little muscle movement, and our brains continue to produce delta waves. During stage five, REM sleep, our brainwaves speed up and dreaming occurs. Our muscles are still relaxed, however our heart rate is increased and our breathing is shallow and deep.

Why are Delta Waves Important?

Delta waves, which are created during our deep sleep moments, is where the body and the brain actually begin to repair and get ready for the next day. Everything from our heart, kidneys and digestion, is all balanced during deep sleep. Some studies have found that the human growth hormone is released during deep sleep. Delta waves also help us to feel refreshed and rejuvenated when we wake up the next morning.

So How Do I Reap the Benefits of Sleep?

The most important thing I tell my clients is to ensure you have a sleep schedule. I understand in this day in age, with rotating shifts, children and travelling, this will be difficult. However, if you can practice at least some aspects of your sleep schedule routinely, you will be able to program your body and brain to sleep when it needs to sleep.

Set aside time to sleep. Yes! Consciously tell yourself the time you intend on going to bed and waking up. It would be best to keep this consistent. For example, ” I will be going to bed at 10pm and waking up at 6am.” My bed is only for sleeping. It is very important to associate your bed only for sleep. It is not a place where you read, watch tv, eat or study. Why is this important? We want to be able to train our bodies that when we lie down in bed, we are preparing for sleep. If we are doing all other sorts of activities on our bed, our body will not know if we are going to be reading or sleeping.

No bright lights. It is important to create an appropriate atmosphere for sleep. If you need to invest in a fan or a heater to create a good temperature, now is the time. If you can block out any light coming from the windows, it would also help. In addition to natural light, no artificial lights. That means not using your cell phone, laptop or tv at least one hour before you go to sleep.

What is your routine? For example, I put my phone to charge in another room. I change into my pyjamas, complete my oral hygiene, take any medications that are needed, lotion my hands, moisturize my lips, close my curtains and then I get into bed. I typically follow this same pattern where ever I am, my own house or on vacation. This way, I am preparing my body and informing my brain, I am starting to wind down to sleep.

I cannot sleep !! If you have been lying in bed for 20 minutes you should get up from bed and walk around. Try a light snack, some warm milk and try to keep the lights dimmed. It is important not to continue to lie on your bed waiting for sleep to come. This activity on its own can be anxiety provoking as you will start to think about why you are not able to sleep. If you feel you have a lot on your mind, write down all your thoughts in a book and tell yourself you will address them tomorrow and that nothing will be resolved right now.

I tried to keep the sleep hygiene short and simple, as there are plenty of websites and information online about how to promote good sleep hygiene. Understanding the stages of sleep and the work that is being done in our body, gives us an appreciation for those 6 – 8 hours.  In conclusion, sleep is where our minds and bodies prepare for the day ahead. If we continue to run on no fuel, no sleep, we will eventually break down; both mentally and physically.

Am I a Work-aholic?

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A work addiction can be considered as an obsessive-compulsive disorder that manifests itself through self-imposed demands, an inability to regulate work habits and an over indulgence in work to the exclusion of most life activities and relationships. Some people do not consider a workaholism a real problem as it seems so different from someone who is addicted to a substance like alcohol. However if we take a closer look we can see some similar patterns:

  • Has a physiological underpinning
  • It is progressive in nature
  • Workaholics experience a preoccupation about work
  • Experience withdrawal symptoms
  • Has a “high”
  • Life becomes unmanageable

 

So how does one know when they are addicted to their work? Well you can ask yourself these questions:

  1. Are you always in a rush?
  2. Do you play the control game?
  3. Is nothing ever good enough?
  4. Are relationships around you crumbling?
  5. Do you produce work in binges?
  6. Are you restless and people have told you “you are no fun”?
  7. Do you experience a natural high at work?
  8. Are you impatient and irritable?
  9. Do you believe you are only as good as your last accomplishment?
  10. Do you think about work all the time ?

 

It might appear to some that their work has become their life and some people might feel the complete opposite. Like every addiction it is serving a purpose and usually it is a coping mechanism for something much deeper and unresolved. Regardless of whatever the reason maybe, it always good to take a step back from any situation and analyze it.

I hope you enjoyed this April blog and if this is an area you are wanting to explore please contact me.

Do I Have an Addiction?

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The word addiction gets thrown around a lot in society. Sometimes we hear people referring to others as an “addict.” To begin, professionally, I do not use the word “addict” because that would be labelling and labelling someone brings on a whole new can of worms.

So let us talk about addiction. Addiction can be divided into two types: substance dependency and process dependency. A substance, as you might already know, is a physical item that is either ingested, inhaled, smoked or injected. A process dependency is something that involves a compulsion to engage in a rewarding non-drug-related behaviour such as shopping, sex or gambling. Even though the process dependency might provide rewards, it has negative consequences.

An addiction can be further divided into four other categories: non use, experimental, regular and dependent. You might be wondering what separates someone from a regular user to a dependent user. For example a regular user might still be able to function in their lifestyle and have not had negative consequences. A dependent user, typically has preoccupied their entire day to fulfill the urges to use. If they do not, some go into intense withdrawal symptoms.

So, how does someone know if they should be concerned about a behaviour or substance use? The following is a list of questions you can ask yourself?

  1. Do you have an inability to cut down or quit?
  2. Have family and friends asked you to quit?
  3. Have you experienced negative health effects?
  4. Do you have physical symptoms of withdrawal?
  5. Are you continuing to use despite consequences?
  6. Do you think about when the next use/behaviour will be?
  7. Do you have a compulsion to use your substance of choice/complete your process dependency?
  8. Do you feel like you have a loss of control?

 

Some of these questions might have been an eye opener for some as they might not really reflect on their use. Whatever stage you are in of your use, there is always an opportunity to stop, pause and reflect. If this is an area you are wanting to explore more in depth, I would be pleased to speak with you. I have been practicing addictions counselling for over eight years with diverse populations: youth, adults and seniors. I truly believe it takes a special person to under the complexities attached to an addiction and therefore it is vital for the person looking to engage in help to trust their therapist/counsellor. For those who are looking to connect with me please call me at 647 964 2870.

I Can’t Tell My Therapist Everything …

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“I can’t tell my therapist everything…” I have heard this from some friends and clients. It might be one of the reasons why people struggle to reach out to talk to someone. There are also those that go from therapist to therapist, trying to figure out why they keep doing the things they do or why the same problems keep reoccurring. I have to tell you, honesty and transparency goes a long way in any relationship.

I understand that it can be difficult to share your thoughts and feelings with a complete stranger. Couples who have been married for 25 years sometimes do not share as much as they would to each other as they would to a therapist. However, it also comes down to the type of therapist you see and how they practice. Some therapists work from a solution focused point of view, thus only focusing on the problem at hand. They help the individual resolve the problem and treatment is complete. However, there are therapists like myself who work from a different perspective. Imagine your life is a book, from chapter 1 to 10 and your therapist is the reader. When you come to therapy, you only intend on sharing chapter 3 and 7. This makes it very difficult for the reader to understand what is going on in the book. The reader does not know all the characters, the storyline or the twists and turns that have occurred up until now. The reader only has chapter 3 and 7 to piece together the book, however we all know when we do not have all the pieces of a puzzle, it is incomplete.

So how does one allow their therapist to read the entire book? Well it comes down to several things. One, your relationship with your therapist. If you do not feel a connection with your therapist or feel that you always have to wear a mask when seeing them, you might want to rethink how useful your time with them is. As I state on my website, the therapeutic relationship is essentially the foundation of a house, without a foundation the house falls down.

Second, is trust. Therapists are bound by confidentiality and only under certain circumstances confidentiality is broken. With that being said, it is still not enough for someone to trust their therapist. I believe shame and judgement is an element that comes into play. Some people believe that their therapist might judge them if they are completely honest. I for one do not believe counsellors are in this field to judge others, as some people are coming to therapy at their weakest point. If you feel you are being judged, then you need to take a step back and decide how you want to address this with your therapist, or are these internal feelings that you have, because you are having feelings of shame. Regardless of what it is, this is where number three comes in, communication.

Communication might be something that is overlooked in therapy, however we all know communication is verbal and nonverbal. Someone might be presenting as happy but they might have their arms crossed and not making eye contact. The verbal and non verbal are clashing here and a good therapist would pick this out and hopefully address it. Listening and talking is a two way street.

Lastly, is your readiness. Are you ready to embark on a journey of self reflection, learning and insight? Trust me, therapy is hard. As someone who has sat in both chairs, I know the ups and downs of going through therapy. Nobody ever said therapy was easy, otherwise everyone would have a therapist. It only takes the strongest and bravest to come to terms with whatever is going on for them and say “I think I need some help.”

I hope this was somewhat helpful for those that are ambivalent in clicking the contact me button or picking up the phone. Just remember, this is your story and you are the writer, we therapists are there to ensure that you continue writing the next chapter.